Thursday, January 28, 2010
as u may have noticed, i rarely blog stuff out recently. and i am not ashamed of it.not at all. well, here's the catch, when i decided to buy a bag of tiny teddy bears on boxing day, pardon my 5 year old mind but they were half price! so i started to think maybe after diz i could do the same thing when buying souvenirs for my family. frankly, when i buy anything in bulks, for example the half price teddies on boxing day, i told myself that they are supposed to be the items which every single person on this planet will love to receive. u know like some kind of generic gifts and when u decide to buy them u have no particular person in mind? yes! that is exactly what i mean. as a matter of fact, i thought it was a brilliant idea.but it is very far from brilliant. it will become obvious to the person who receives the useless and pointless teddy bear that wat it says is actually 'i was thinking of u and other 27 people when i bought this'. screw me for that terrible idea. as tomorrow is gonna be my housemate best day, this idea is really not gonna work well, so i need to get her something very special.something that says, 'i was thinking of u and u only when i bought this'....emm....wat is it gonna be? anyone?
Friday, January 22, 2010
slm to those who happen to read this lame blog of mine. thank u for ur support. i t has been soo long since i last wrote something on this. firstly, sori if this blog is going to be full with personal stuff , feeling and emotion but i really feel like reflecting now. it was recently that too many things come together in my head and driving me nuts. and i have been dealing with too much pressure n feel like losing it. well, things have been sorted out but deep down, i know, Allah nk uji. la yukalifullah hu nafsan illa wus' a ha. x diuji seseorang tanpa kemampuannya. n i am no exception. bile renung balik i really need to do something about managing my anger. i was friggin mad last time and it was ugly. it was the crazest thing i have ever done! there was a time when i start thinking to pack my things and runaway. but that's ridiculous. home is thousand miles away. so i juz push the stupid thought to the back of my mind. i wish i'm gone. juz dissapear into the thin air, leaving no trace behind. i am fragile now and start to treat things very emotionally. i'd never allow this to happen before. as a result, i was badly damaged and traumatised by my own attitude. but see, i juz dont know how to stop it. there is something inside me that is really bad and sometimes it turns me into a monster. i know shouldnt let this evil side of me reign supreme. but it was a tragedy, and for those who i have wronged and sinned, pliz forgive me for i am not a good person. i love u guys more than i can say. if i could turn back time, i wouldnt do that. i would juz temper it in silence. and i've been thinking about this a lot, maybe what's missing is courage. courage to face i own sin. i'm a sinner. my life is messing up with me. God, forgive me for what i have done....