messing up again, that's me.

slm to those who happen to read this lame blog of mine. thank u for ur support. i t has been soo long since i last wrote something on this. firstly, sori if this blog is going to be full with personal stuff , feeling and emotion but i really feel like reflecting now. it was recently that too many things come together in my head and driving me nuts. and i have been dealing with too much pressure n feel like losing it. well, things have been sorted out but deep down, i know, Allah nk uji. la yukalifullah hu nafsan illa wus' a ha. x diuji seseorang tanpa kemampuannya. n i am no exception. bile renung balik i really need to do something about managing my anger. i was friggin mad last time and it was ugly. it was the crazest thing i have ever done! there was a time when i start thinking to pack my things and runaway. but that's ridiculous. home is thousand miles away. so i juz push the stupid thought to the back of my mind. i wish i'm gone. juz dissapear into the thin air, leaving no trace behind. i am fragile now and start to treat things very emotionally. i'd never allow this to happen before. as a result, i was badly damaged and traumatised by my own attitude. but see, i juz dont know how to stop it. there is something inside me that is really bad and sometimes it turns me into a monster. i know shouldnt let this evil side of me reign supreme. but it was a tragedy, and for those who i have wronged and sinned, pliz forgive me for i am not a good person. i love u guys more than i can say. if i could turn back time, i wouldnt do that. i would juz temper it in silence. and i've been thinking about this a lot, maybe what's missing is courage. courage to face i own sin. i'm a sinner. my life is messing up with me. God, forgive me for what i have done....